Brief eines Bayern an die NASA:
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your Space Shuttle in the television. In color. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the world-room. Alone. Without my crazy wife.
I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather. I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lets no good hair on me. She says, I am a Schlapp-tail. She wants that I become Bürgermaster. But I want not to be Bürgermaster. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit.
I want my Ruah. And so I want make holidays on the moon. Without my bad half. But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is Wurstl. So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a window-place. I would kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle-free. And no standing-place please. And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-gun. She would make a sieve from my ass.
I need not much comfort. A nice double-room with bath and klo and heating. And windows with look to the earth. So a can look through my far-glass and see my wife working on the potatoe-field. And I and my dog laugh us a branch. We will kringel ourselves before laughing.
Is what loose on the moon? I need warm weather and I hope the sun shines every day. This is very good for my frost-boils.
I need not much. A good bread-time, a good Hax'n and a Mass beer. Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring with. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon, that I come. I hope, he has no wife. We can make out-flights with my drive wheels. We can make craterwandering. I bring him the Bavarian national hymn by. We can make tobacco cewing. We can drink a lot of hop-blossom-tea. I hope, he is no Preiß! We can spuck around the bet. We can make finger-hooking. I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it.
Have they many flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. He will get fat like a otter.
I want make five weeks holidays. When you have no new rocket after the five weeks, I wait for the next rainbow and drive with my Radl.
Please make me a good price – under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices because my pocket money is not so much. Send your answer to my neighbour, Wastl Hintermoser.
With friendly Servus
Your Xaver Kraxlhuber
PS: I dont't fly, when is full-moon. My dog, this big Bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so much noise.